This saying is something that used to drive me totally crazy. Now I can appreciate it with greater clarity. It is just one of family sayings of my tribe. For me, my tribe includes my adoptive family and my biological family. It also includes my husband, our children, and our grandkids. It even includes our ex-spouses and their new spouses. It will not ever include her because she has put me and my family through hell. Please don’t judge me. She sent me a cease and desist letter from an attorney in Indianapolis. I contacted her twice through a confidential intermediary and once via a letter in eleven YEARS. This does not constitute harassment by even legal definitions. I sent the letter because I did not want to be the one to tell my brothers, her sons, who I am. I just don’t want to be in that boat.
I searched so much that my marriage was destroyed. Keep in mind he did his fair share as well. I spent quite a bit of time chasing women away from him. In the end, I did not know about his current wife. By that time, I had just given up. It was not worth the fight. I digress again.
I researched and searched extensively but I discounted the one town that had a tire plant near Indianapolis. I probably even looked at her father’s obituary but I ignored it. I guess it was a good thing that I did not find my biological mother during this time.
I had finally walked away from my marriage. I just could not handle it. I was with a man who no longer and possibly never loved me. I knew that if I stayed in my marriage, I would die. I decided that it was not worth my death. My kids deserved a mom who was for them and focused on them. I deserved someone who gave love and received love.
For several years, I did not really even participate in the adoption world. I just did not have the appetite anymore for adoption. I really do not want to be in politics of adoption. I still do not. I am currently two years away from graduating with a degree in Chemical Engineering. I rather come up with health care solutions for veterans and adoptees. I do it so that people who have neurotic and psychotic parents like me can get have some kind of health background that is truthful. My biological mother only mentioned that she is on statins and is allergic to seafood and cats. Mother may I ask politely if that is fish or shell fish? Almost everyone has high cholesterol. Really woman the devil is in the details. Her father died of pneumonia. Uhmmm Mother may I get additional details because his death certificate says something more than just pneumonia.
I began going to school during this time. I also completed three DNA tests during this time too. I did a mitochondrial and two autosomal tests. It didn’t amount to much. A girlfriend of mine convinced me to try one last time with another company. This company had a larger database. I agreed to do it with this company.
The rest is saved for later.
~ Martha Ann’s Daughter